One Last Chance

My relationship with the lord has been . . . shaky at best.

I assumed when I was 13-14 that my stupid teenage problems were a result of God hating me and not my own stupidity so I said fuck it and became atheist.

Somewhere along after that I became agnostic, acknowledging some superhuman presence but not knowing what to call it. A lazy believer I guess.

Recently, maybe the last year and half or so I have come to believe there is a lord. His activities are not for me to understand but I accept his actions. All I have asked of him is to take care of my family, which he has done admirably. I could not have asked for more from him, after my impudence for a great deal of my life. I have never asked anything from since my belief in a higher power somewhere during high school.

Not even when I witnessed my grandfather’s agonizing deterioration and death in the 10th grade did I ask him to help him. All I asked was why he did it. I understood that the way I have behaved towards the lord in my life . . . I had no room to ask favors from him.

I’m asking now for one favor.

You are the lord, and I ask this one favor of you. I know i am not a worthy person, so I beg this from you. I am not asking for this favor; I am asking for the chance to earn it. I care not the conditions so long as it does not harm someone else.

If you are indeed all-knowing, look into my heart and understand that I have given a great deal of thought to this request. I have great grades, a very close and supportive family, money, a loving girlfriend yet I am convinced I will never be happy without this thing I ask of you.

I wish desperately to earn the right for a second chance. That’s all I’m asking: A Second Chance.

Please

Evolution of Friend

I find myself in a very awkward position . . . and it shouldn’t be awkward.

One of my best friends is basically a robot. Don’t get me wrong; he’s loyal, faithful, shares all the same interests as I do. I have known him for 15 years and enjoyed every minute of it. Even when we hung out with different groups of friends and went to different college we still kept in touch. I transferred colleges and now we’re back in school together.

Recently, my friend has gotten feelings.

I know this sounds odd, but this is a guy who has never shown interest in girls or anything. He reacts to almost every situation with professional apathy. He is the kid who would look at a meteor hurtling towards Earth and shrug before going back inside to play Street Fighter.

Recently, in little snippets, he’s revealed things to me. That he liked a girl, that she had politely turned him down, that it hurt his feelings, that he got “stood up” at a friendly dinner with two of his friends. It’s the first time I’ve seen him express anything close to sexual attraction, insecurities . . . hurt feelings.

And I’m scared shitless.

It means that my friend who was the ironclad stone-faced wall of the group is vulnerable. Awkward, utterly nerdy and somewhat shy he is now the biggest target anywhere we go. I remembered when he mentioned how everyone thought he was creepy in high school. He said it in a way that . . . expressed a little hurt. And I realized I’d never been there for him the way I should have been.

I’m frightened. The idea that my best friend is vulnerable scares me because I can’t protect him. He’s 21 and finally opening up about shit that has potentially messed him up for YEARS. I don’t want my best friend to break and I’m really of apprehensive of the future.

I feel like such an ungrateful little bastard . . .

Swallowing Pride

I will try to keep this brief as I can.

My ex-girlfriend recently has told multiple people she wants to reopen contact with me. We have not spoken in what is close to a year and a half.

The relationship was wonderful, we lived together and did everything together. I never skipped time with my friends because I became best friends with all her friends and she in turn became friends with mine. We were the same person except different genders, we loved the same everything. I am not generally a mushy gushy person; I am a hard realist and fiercely cynical person so understand I do not say these things lightly.

Our breakup was horrendous. A silly argument brought up a bunch of underlying resentments and I spent two hours listening to the most important person to me tell me how I was a bad person. I swallowed my pride, and a week later asked her to get dinner to ask for a second chance. Long story short, she rubbed into my face that she was already hooking up with guys and I cut off contact.

I stiffly maintained my stance to not talk to her until our mutual friend politely asked me to reconsider. She is a very trusted friend, very loyal, and extremely intelligent. She sees all the good in people without being naive, and I’d almost call her prophetic. She says that even though my ex didn’t apologize, she deeply regrets what she did and that If i care so much about her I should talk to her and that I won’t regret it.

I’m afraid, the last time I swallowed my pride my heart got its ass kicked.

Any advice? I expect no more than 2 of you to read this :/ but comments would be appreciated.

Should I do it? Talk to her?

Best Fighting Games for Beginners

The Fighter is, without a doubt, the rawest form of one on one competition in gaming. The precision, the timing, the one on one aspect of play and the fact that most of the competition takes place as you sit only inches from your opponent. The problem with fighting games is that the learning curve is atrocious; the difference between a novice and a rookie is absolutely astounding. Even the slightest difference in skill when picking up a new game can result in the lesser player being discouraged as his lifebar goes to zero within a matter of seconds.

No fighting game is easy, but these are the top 3 I’ve picked because from my experience, they at least afford newcomers a chance to ascend the ranks and become true pros.

3) Blazblue: Continuum Shift

The old cel-shaded animation and stereotypical Japanese music and character design may turn off some, but the fact remains that this is THE game that got me into fighting games.

This game arguably has the highest execution barrier out of all the games listed here, but it has a spot in my heart for good reason: The tutorial. I am not joking when I say that the tutorial for Blazblue is easily the best I’ve ever seen in fighting games (and I’ve seen enough). Instead of assuming the player already knows about “links” and “cancels” and “teching”, the explains each one in an interactive tutorial that if you know your stuff takes only a matter of seconds BUT if your a newbie it allows you to get the hang of the game quickly. By the time it got to complicated stuff like using up meter to cancel my attack and keep a combo going, I didn’t break a sweat since I already had such a firm grasp on the basics.

Only downside to this game is that it is RIDICULOUSLY fast paced with the exception of a few characters. The individual elements themselves are not that hard to memorize, but the speed in which they come together during a match is often overwhelming.

2) Dead or Alive Ultimate 2

I pick Dead or Alive Ultimate 2 and consciously avoid the more recent Dead or Alive 4 for two reasons: the slimmed down roster is really diverse without making learning matchups impossible and the counter system was a lot more forgiving. The window for countering in the later installments was reduced significantly and while it can be argued that it made the Dead or Alive series more credible as a competitive game, it definitely alienated beginners.

The idea of a counter is that if you know which punch/kick your opponent is using at what punch/height, you can swing the control stick in the appropriate direction and tap a button in order to catch the opponent’s attack and deal heavy damage. It’s not a system that really applies to other fighting games but what it does teach is reflexes and anticipation which is applied universally. If you observe an opponent repeatedly jabbing your head to start a combo, simply tap the stick and press and you can make them think twice about attacking you. It’s the same kind of skill that lets people set up combos in Marvel vs. Capcom or anti-air in Street Fighter.

Speaking of Street Fighter.

1) Street Fighter IV

A lot of fighting games have seen their glory days but fallen out of existence. Vampire Savior’s sequels were decried as unbalanced and broken, Marvel vs. Capcom 3 is constantly under flak for being too “cheap” and “random”, and Tekken barely remains on the fringe of legitimacy. Street Fighter IV is the only game in which the series has generally gotten better.

The first thing beginners will like is that the execution barrier is FAR lower than in Third Strike. Don’t get me wrong, execution is still key to get the maximum damage out of every character but a player can get the input slightly wrong and the game will still register an attack. Players with pinpoint precision will be rewarded by the use of high octane characters like C. Viper and Adon while players with so-so execution can still do a lot of damage with simpler characters like Ken and Ryu.

Second, the cast is unbelievably diverse. From projectile characters to grapplers to vortex, every character is here and it really allows a beginner to pick a character that fits their current mindset. Like staying away from your opponent and playing mind games as they try to cross your fireballs? Try Sagat or Ryu. Prefer to keep offensive pressure 24/7 and force your opponent to literally guess their way out of every situation? Give Akuma or Ibuki a shot. As someone who has gone through several different “mains”, I can say that SFIV has the best roster out of any fighting game.

The FINAL reason though is that Street Fighter IV has great pace. A player who just wants to sit back and pick his/her shots is ALLOWED to. In Marvel vs. Capcom 3 even people who played “keep away” were constantly pressing buttons and playing a fast paced game. In Street Fighter IV, its possible to camp out in one area of the screen and only press a button when you are forced to; you are allowed to bide your time. But when the chimpanzee bezerker mode activates in your brain, Street Fighter can up its pace and matches can be over in around 45 seconds depending on the character.

Happy hunting newbies! Try out one of these games and when you get to the level of awful mediocrity that I have achieved, find me online

5 Animated TV Shows for Adults

These aren’t “critics picks” or shows that will round out any list of top 10 animated tv shows of all time. The fact is that animated TV shows (let alone anime) have really lost traction with my generation. More and more they are being geared towards lowbrow humor and the morals they teach are somewhat childish. The romances are cheesy and we can no longer really associate with the characters and I feel as though our childhood loves are quickly being lost.

Here are five TV shows that are worth watching. Some are manga, some originated in the West but the fact is that you can watch them even when you’re in your mid twenties and still retain some of your dignity.

5) SWAT Kats: The Radical Squadron

Out of all the shows on this list, the cancellation of Swat Kats upsets me the most. Hanna-Barbera made some spectacular cartoons and everyone remembers their masterpieces such as the Flintstones and Johnny Quest. They were well known for their quirky, colorful cartoons and the simplistic yet heartwarming humor and romances. The fact is that there is a cartoon that the studio produced that was adult in nature and I STILL watch to this day.

SWAT Kats: The Radical Squadron is an alternate world entirely populated by cats. They are entirely humanoid in appearance, wearing human clothes and walking like humans but are cats in every other sense. The show focuses on two junkyard mechanics Chance Furlong and Jake Clawson. Disgraced as pilots when they accidentally let one of the show’s staple villains get away, they now work in the junkyard to pay off their debt. To kill time, they end up building a hyper-advanced jet plane and become vigilante pilots called the Swat Kats. Their plane is equipped with the weirdest types of missiles (Octopus missiles anyone??) and their gear resembles a juggernaut from the Call of Duty Games. Their enemies include a Dark Sorcerer, an evil genius, a pair of sentient robotic gangsters and a mutated scientist.

It might sound rather garish . . . but the show handles itself rather well.

While there are no on screen deaths (this is a children’s cartoon after all), death is actually treated matter-of-factly. There are several instances in which the bad guys kill off several innocent bystanders or as they rise to power. You don’t see bodies or the actual deaths, but any child over the age of 10 will understand what has happened. The fact that most of the technology in Swat Kats has some scientific logic behind it keeps it from receiving the eye-rolling treatment that say . . . the Superfriends’ powers recieve.

As far as I can tell, the only place to watch this cartoon is the Boomerang channel that all old cartoons now play on.

4) Samurai Champloo

Think about a feudal Japan full of samurai and honor and  duels and assassins and stuff. Now imagine that it’s full of modern funky music, beat-boxing samurai and a mismatched trio of warriors as they try to find the “samurai who smells like sunflowers”.

Unlike Rurouni Kenshin in which the characters fall into they typical manga trap of talking to much and with overt romance, Samurai Champloo keeps the emotions snappy. There’s anger, love, betrayal and heartbreak but it’s dealt with very swiftly. That’s not to say that the themes discussed aren’t deep; Japan is changing and the age of the samurai is quickly coming to a close as the protagonists try to find their place in the world.

Even the language is very modern, so it meshes the world of feudal Japan with modern day US culture surprisingly well.

Despite being a personal favorite of  mine, Samurai Champloo doesn’t rank higher because while each individual episode is very good the overall story gets lost. The story of searching for the “samurai who smells like sunflowers” only gets briefly mentioned in each episode and when the finale of the series finally arrived I was genuinely surprised.

3) The Real Adventures of Johnny Quest

So, I mentioned that Johnny Quest is an aforementioned Hanna-Barbera masterpiece. What happens when the loveable child, his dog and his gang get a gritty reboot? You get what’s probably one of the most underrated cartoons of the nineties.

As far as I can tell, this show has no real “continuity” with the original Johnny Quest. That’s good, because even without continuity The Real Adventures of Johnny Quest makes absolutely no sense.

Quest World is some virtual reality world where the Quest gang can run combat sims, play games, combat their foes, wage cyber warfare on mythical creatures, etc.

The thing that really gets me is that the show really handles the concepts maturely. Unlike many cartoons in which 12 and 13 year olds act like whiny turds while still somehow saving the world, Johnny Quest is actually mature. He deals with the typical problems of a teenager, but he handles them with the maturity and forethought that you’d expect from someone who saves the world on a weekly basis.

This is also a cartoon in which death is actually treated pretty casually. Underwater fish monsters get released from a cave? Hell yeah you better believe someone gets eaten by them! And you pretty much see it too.

Combine this with some gorgeous animation (considering the time this was made) and you have what is probably one of the best reboots of any classic cartoon.

2) Hellsing (OVA)

There are TWO Hellsing series both based off the book. The plain “Hellsing” series is loosely based on the book and unfortunately isn’t very good. The OVA (Original Video Animation) on the other hand has a handful of very long but VERY detailed episodes and are an absolute masterpiece in my opinion.

The story follows the Hellsing family, the ones who in mainstream mythology fought vampires and/or killed Dracula. When Sir Integra Hellsing (who is a girl btw) is about to be murdered as a child, a corpse comes back to life and slaughters her assailants. It turns out to be Alucard (Dracula backwards) and he is bound to serve the Hellsing family. Their organization hunts down the undead (mostly vampires) with Alucard as their ace in the hole every time.

Since the Hellsing family is technically some form of royalty, the characters speak sophisticated and it never feels like an actual anime. Combine that with the ocassional comic relief as well as the childish Sera and you actually have a very diverse cast with varying morals and backgrounds. The show manages to delve into the mystical (vampires, monsters, church conspiracies) without stretching reality too far and the dynamic between Alucard and Sera (a killing machine who longs for his own death and an innocent girl turned into a vampire) is actually something impressive to behold. Oh and the action is just unbelievable.

The first four episodes are available in English, but after that I have no idea where to find them.

1) Cowboy Bebop

Every genre has its “revolutionary” piece of work. Action movies had the Matrix, heist films had Heat, and television fiction has The Wire.

For animated tv series (not just anime), I genuinely believe that work is Cowboy Bebop.

After debris from the moon decimate the Earth, humans have primarily populated Mars and moons of Jupiter and space travel has become highly reliable. Crime syndicates have becomes just as powerful as law enforcement, meaning that a lot of justice falls in the hands of bounty hunters or “cowboys”.

Each character is VERY richly detailed. Their current mindset, their past, the way they interact, their morals . . . each is multifaceted and deep enough to where each character could probably hold down an entire series on their own.

Considering that this series is also made by Shinchiro Watanabe (maker of Samurai Champloo), it’s no surprise that everything good about Samurai Champloo is also present here. The rich characters, dark humor, action sequences, funky modern twists on an old fashioned culture.

What Bebop does . . . that many animated series fail SPECTACULARLY at (Samurai Champloo included) is that Cowboy Bebop never loses sight of its central conflict. Spike Spiegl’s haunting past with one of the premier crime syndicates is never lost even throughout the group’s numerous adventures. When the climax came I wasn’t surprised; I was absolutely chomping at the bit.

It’s no surprise that one of the best animated series of all time also produced one of the best animated films of all time: Knocking on Heaven’t door.

 

 

Brock Lesnar’s retirement good for MMA

I’m not going to analyze the fight between Alistair “Demolition Man” Overeem and Brock Lesnar because anyone worth their salt knows how the fight went. There’s only so much to say about a 265 lb man nearly having his internal organs knee’d out of his body. The loss sparked Brock Lesnar to announce his retirement after his battle with diverticulitis and two devastating losses at the hands of two superb heavyweights. As hated as Brock was by some, he undoubted brought mainstream fans to the sport and he will be missed.

But you know what? This is a good thing for MMA. Brock Lesnar, great athlete as he was . . . was a blight on the face of MMA.

I don’t blame Brock for this, his job was to make himself marketable to the UFC so I don’t hate him for his bad boy persona. The UFC capitalized on it . . . a little too much in my opinion however. They put a green as grass Lesnar on a pedestal and gave him a title shot with only a 1-1 record. He beat up a geriatric Randy Couture and then survived against an ailing Shane Carwin and the UFC brass was all too eager promote his aura of invincibility.

Many hardcore fans figured something was up. Whether it was Lesnar’s robotic stand up or that his physique resembled “beefcake” more than a mixed martial artist, MMA purists were fuming. Why wasn’t the more talented, better rounded Junior Dos Santos being given his due? What of the legendary Fedor Emelianenko or the finally UFC-bound Alistair Overeem? As long as Brock Lesnar occupied the spot true fighters could never recieve their due.The UFC played to the people’s whim and unfortunately . . . mainstream fans of any sport are often idiots. The dilemma was, however, that the loss of Brock Lesnar would result in the death of the sport’s golden goose without a charismatic figure to retain new fans.

Back to back first round knockouts (the latter of which leads to Brock cowering against the fence like a chihuahua confronted by a pit bull) might not seem like a great way to go out . . . but it’s actually the best case scenario for getting Brock out of MMA while keeping the UFC’s fan base.

1) Brock gets to leave with his head held high. Sure his moniker of “Baddest Man on the Planet” has been been torn from him like a freshman’s underwear at a fraternity house, but he lost to the Strikeforce Heavyweight Champion in his last fight and that’s nothing to scoff at. His diverticulitis is also a legitimate excuse to quit as the disease is quite painful in a normal life . . . let alone one that involves combat.

2) The UFC gets a new heavyweight icon. Alistair Overeem is a chiseled superman who speaks perfect English and isn’t afraid to talk a little sh*t to his opponents. Add to that a resume that involves a stellar MMA record and numerous K-1 titles and you have one of the most underrated heavyweights in the world finally making it in the UFC. I was in a bar for this fight, and the cheers for Overeem were just as loud as for Lesnar.

3) MMA gets a proper heavyweight superstar. Not an ex-professional wrestler with only fledgling skills in other parts of his game but one of the true heavyweight gods of MMA. This is a fighter whom if there was a Mt. Rushmore for heavyweight fighters, would find his visage next to the likes of Randy Couture and Fedor. With Overeem as their main draw, the UFC’s step towards legitimizing MMA to mainstream audiences takes a huge leap forward.

 

So Brock, I’m glad to see you go and I’m glad the way it happened. Nothing personal bud.

Harsh Goodbyes

I was looking through my pictures today, and it occurred to me that my ex-girlfriend seemed to have untagged herself in many of the photographs we have together. It shouldn’t bother me, but it does.

Like I said before, I’m convinced that not talking to her was the best decision I could have made after our break up. I’ll admit I handled it very emotionally, but she said unforgivable things and I knew what I had to do. When she unfriended me on facebook, it was a huge blow. When I needed comforting, I’d look at our wall-to-wall and love be comforted that at one point … we worked. That taken away, I was devastated.

I have moved on. I’ve found a new girl who likes me as much as I like her, and I see myself having something more serious with her. When I’m with her, I don’t think about this girl at all.

But the pictures, they represent my memories not just of her … but Ohio State. When I made my decision to leave due to various circumstances, it was so hard for me. I was so happy there, it’s still the place I was happiest. It’s unfortunate that my entire freshman year was in a relationship with her. Not unfortunate because I didn’t have a ton of fun … unfortunate because I’m not longer with her.

When she’s untagging our pictures … she’s just erasing that part of time. It’s not fair … she has 3 more years to make memories at that place … I don’t. Those pictures … those are ALL I HAVE. Even though I hate the girl and don’t regret the breakup, I don’t regret making those memories with her either.

It almost seems that she does. I cannot describe to you how painful it is to think that the part of the happiest time in my life is being eroded … and it’s out of my control.

Black Friday Shopping – Pac Sun

What, a man bitching about Black Friday Shopping??

Yeah, well when you suspect that you have insomnia and you know you’re not going to bed until at least 5 am . . . driving out at 12:30 am to the malls actually makes a lot of sense. I however, have a bone to pick with Pac Sun in particular.

Pac Sun, you are a place where one can buy trendy winter gear. Yet you carry NO sweaters. The closest you have to a “sweater” is a long sleeved shirt with a pocket which I suspect offers no resistance against the cold. Don’t get me wrong, I bought two which even with the discount came close to $40, but I was peeved. Your hooded sweatshirts looks like someone shaved an emo kid and lined the coat with it.

And your jeans Pac Sun . . . oh the jeans.

I will never claim to be petite, but I’m decently athletic. My American Eagle jeans are 32 at the waist and they’re actually fit me pretty well. Fast forward to Pac Sun . . . your 32/32 basically pushed my balls into my colon. From the waist down, it looked like I was a Latina woman from a bad rap video squeezing into jeans that were 2 sizes too small. From the waist up however, I was a horrified 20 year old man who literally had to pry the jeans off of him.

The best part was, there was an anorexic man with a lip piercing named Ian who helped me out. He was very nice, but he said something that really stuck out in my mind.

“I used to wear super skinny jeans, but i went to regular slim so there’s a bunch of room that I don’t know what t do with.”

I glanced down as heterosexually as possible and saw that his jeans were impossibly skin tight. So that leaves me by saying this:

Ian, your genitals must be impossibly small because those jeans were literally squeezing your leg hairs through the gaps between the fabric.

Ish the Fish discovers Porn

Today’s title isn’t that subtle, because the topic itself isn’t subtle. It’s porn, where men set unrealistic standards for women’s tolerance of reproductive fluids and flexibility.

This tale is only interesting because the group’s young charge, ISH THE FISH, discovered porn last year. I was fortunate enough to hear him recount his tail of drama, suspense, horror, and interracial office relationships.

Me, Megan, Ish, Tanner and our friend Zach were enjoying a typical Monday in the library. Megan was reading her history book, Tanner was studying for our upcoming English test, and I was busy doing test corrections for my Cell Structure class. Zach was otherwise occupied eating a pizza, leaving Ish as the only possible distraction.

Disappoint he did not.

Inevitably, while making fun of each other, the subject turned back to Ish wanting to take a photograph of a man in the urinal a month or two ago (covered in a previous post). Somehow, that conversation provided a transition into pornography and suddenly ISH THE FISH came alive.

A long time ago, before the coalition of the now legendary library study group, a lone Ish was in the library doing his homework when a large, creepy man sat down some distance next to him. Ish had too much swag to let this disturb him, but the series of events that followed perturbed the prepubescent Ish.

“So this guy pulls out his laptop, and I notice he keeps clicking between windows a lot.”

Zach, Tanner and I immediately began laughing. Ish may have thought he was weaving a suspenseful tale but he forgot that we were all either in our early 20′s or late teens; we knew what was going to happened. Megan meanwhile, had the same look on her face as my mom had when I told her I was dating a white girl; disgust and curiosity.

“I glance over, and there’s like a white guy and a black chick . . . and they’re in suits. And I was wondering why the hell he was watching a meeting. So I go back to my homework . . . and when I look back the man was giving the chick a close up inspection of her bare ass!”

If we were in any condition to say so, we would have told Ish that he was loud enough to where the entire library could hear us. Unfortunately, our laughter was on par with his lewd story and correcting him would have been hypocrisy.

“So I go back to my homework, but out of my peripheral vision I see this huge f*cking dick on the screen. I try to look away but too late; the camera takes the WORST POSSIBLE angle and stares straight down the hole!”

As he said this, Ish mimed a gesture that to an outside viewer would look like a man looking through a telescope.

“I’m trying to do my homework again, and I feel this bumping against the table. I look over and the dude has his hand below the table and I’m like, ‘really dude? Come on now’. Then he sighs, does up his pants closes his laptop and leaves!”

An anticlimactic end to an otherwise hilarious story but me, Zach and Tanner enjoyed it immensely.

After all, stories are always better if you can relate to them . . .

Ish the Fish: A Compilation Pt. 2

And so now we continue the adventures of Ish the Fish, the second part of the compilation.

This one is rather short, but quality over quantity right?This tale involves not so much the actions of Ish the Fish, but more so his hilarious story telling and ill-timed transitions between stories.

Part 2)

So Megan and I were having a conversation of her supposed vegetarianism and how she was missing out when Ismail’s head popped up from his book like an electrocuted Prarie Dog.

“OH my god you guys! I have the funniest story!” he yelled, almost literally scaring the piss out of Megan, Tanner and I.

I informed Ish, perhaps more tensely than I should have, that his story better had be funny since an entire corner of the library was now viewing us with utter contempt.

“Nah man listen. When I was like in forth grade, there was this chick. She’s goth now, but back then she was a total hippie like she had dreadlocks and she was a vegetarian,” ended Ish, gesturing towards Megan and indicating that his story had at least a passing relevance to our current conversation. Seeing that this impressed us only ever so slightly, he quickly continued with his epic tale.

“So anyways, once we went on this field trip and there was a duck and this other kid threw a Cheetos at it. It hit the duck, and when it tried to eat it it started choking and that chick knocked the other kid down and BEAT THE FUCK OUT OF HIM! Like she was on top of him screaming at him about torturing an animal and she was just punching the shit out of him!” At this point, Ish quickly collapsed into raucous peals of laughter as Tanner, Megan and I’s blank expressions were neatly mirrored among everyone at our library table.

Let it be known that Ish’s fondest childhood memory is a bird choking as an ugly chick beat up someone.